THE CORPORATE LADDER

BRITISH ENGLISH VS MALAYSIAN ENGLISH

Who says our English is teruk? Just read below - Ours is simple, short, concise, straight-to- the-point, effective etc.

WHEN GIVING A CUSTOMER BAD NEWS
Britons: I'm sorry, sir, but we don't seem to have the sweater you want in your size, but if you give me a moment, I can call the other outlets for you.

Malaysians: No stock.

RETURNING A CALL
Britons: Hello, this is John Smith. Did anyone call for me a few moments ago?

Malaysians: Hello, who call?

ASKING SOMEONE TO MAKE WAY
Britons: Excuse me, I would like to get by. Would you please make way?

Malaysians: S-kew me.

WHEN SOMEONE OFFERS TO PAY
Britons: Hey! Put your wallet away, this drink is on me.

Malaysians: No need lah.

WHEN ASKING FOR PERMISSION
Britons: Excuse me, but do you think it would be possible for me to enter through this door?

Malaysians: (pointing at the door) Can ah?

WHEN ENTERTAINING
Britons: Please make yourself right at home.

Malaysians: No need shy shy one lah!

WHEN DOUBTING SOMEONE
Britons: I don't recall you giving me the money.

Malaysians: Where got?

WHEN DECLINING AN OFFER
Britons: I would prefer not to do that, if you don't mind.

Malaysians: Don't want lah.

IN DISAGREEING ON A TOPIC OF DISCUSSION
Britons: Err...Tom, I have to stop you there. I understand where you're coming from, but I really have to disagree with what you said about the issue.

Malaysians: You mad ah?

WHEN ASKING SOMEONE TO LOWER THEIR VOICE.
Britons: Excuse me, but could you please lower your voice? I'm trying to concentrate over here.

Malaysians: Shut up lah!

WHEN ASKING SOMEONE IF HE/SHE KNOWS YOU..
Britons: Excuse me, but I noticed you staring at me for sometime. Do I know you?

Malaysians: See what, see what?

WHEN ASSESSING A TIGHT SITUATION.
Britons: We seem to be in a bit of a predicament at the moment...

Malaysians: Die lah!!

WHEN TRYING TO FIND OUT WHAT HAD HAPPENED
Britons: Will someone tell me what has just happened?

Malaysians: What happened ah? Why like that one lah?

WHEN SOMEONE DID SOMETHING WRONG
Britons: This isn't the way to do it. Here, let me show you.

Malaysians: Like that also don't know how to do!

WHEN ONE IS ANGRY
Britons: Would you mind not disturbing me?

Malaysians: Celaka you!

So which would you prefer? Send this to your Malaysian friends and let them have a laugh too. Good day!

FEMALE DRIVER

NEED GLASSES

THE BREAK UP

A BLUR DAD

WHAT THERMAL IMAGE CAMERA AT AIRPORT DETECTED

好笑版《屋顶》

> 天啊 這真的是太神奇了
> 大家一定要開附加檔案來听听唷!!(一邊听一邊看底下的歌詞,差點笑死掉)
> 他們真的唱的很不錯.....
> 其實這兩個人唱歌都蠻好的耶
> 最佩服的是唱這種歌詞還能唱得這麼深情不會笑場
> 功力真的很夠!!!! (真是吃飽太閒呀~哈哈~)
> ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
> 吳宗憲和溫嵐的'屋頂'-〔廚房篇〕
>
> 男: 半夜睡不著覺　原來是巴豆腰（肚子饿）
> 只好到廚房去吃一點東西
> 女: 睡夢中被吵醒　我還是不確定
> 廚房怎會有人在開冰箱的聲音
> 我悄悄出房門　帶著球棒過去
> 原來是剛才睡在我旁邊那個人
> 男: 那個人不就是每天幫我煮飯的人
> 我們都松了一口氣
> 男: 有麵線
> 女: 有麵線
> 男女: 還有两個「燒肉粽」(台語) Ｈｏ～Ｈｏ～
> 女: 再加上一點「豆油膏」(台語)
> 男: 再加上一點花生粉
> 女: 再把那麵線全部煮成一大碗
> 男: 喔~~~煮成一大碗
> 男女: 吃飽這時刻　這一分一秒汗流不止
> 男: 胃開始糾結
> 女: 該不會是那「豆油膏」(台語)
> 男: 還是過期的花生粉
> 女: 快打電話去給那最近的醫院
> 男: 喔~~最近的醫院
> 男女: 送醫這時刻　這一分一秒腹瀉不止
> 男: 臉開始糾結
> 男女: 今夜真倒霉
>
> *****************************************
>
> 女: 刚才落屎是誰
> 男: 是我～
> 女: 讓你落屎是誰
> 男: 是妳～
> 女: 整車的便便氣味環繞在我倆的身邊
> 男: 便便氣味環繞在我倆的身邊
> 女: 讓我害怕是誰
> 男:是我～
> 女: 讓你抓狂是誰
> 男: 是妳～
> 男女: 現在我很想找個地方躲一躲
> 男女: 嗚～～～～～
>

IF YOU MARRY AN ARTIST...

THE LEGEND OF TRIBAL NAMES

A little American Indian boy asked his father, the big chief and witch doctor of the tribe, "Papa, why is it that we always have long names, while the white men having shorter names like Bill, Tex or Sam?"
His father replied, "Look, son, our names represent a symbol, a sign, or a poem for our culture not like the white men, who live all together and repeat their names from generation to generation. Also, it is part of our makeup that in spite of everything, we survive.
For example, your sister's name is Small Romantic Moon Over The Lake, because on the night she was born, there was a beautiful moon reflected in the lake.
Then there's your brother, Big White Horse of the Prairies, because he was born on a day that the big white horse who gallops over the prairies of the world appeared near our camp and is a symbol of our capacity to live and the life force of our people. It's very simple and easy to understand.
Do you have any other questions, Little Broken Condom Made in China?

DRAWING

EMBARRASSING MOMENTS

THE CAUSE OF MAD COW DISEASE

A female reporter was conducting an interview with a farmer about Mad Cow Disease. "Mr. Brown, do you have any idea what might be the cause of the disease?" "Sure. Do you know the bulls only screw the cows once a year?" "Umm, sir, that is a new piece of information, but what's the relationship between this and Mad Cow?" "And did you know we milk the cows twice a day?" "Mr. Brown, that's interesting, but, what's the point?" "Lady, the point is this: if I'm playing with your tits twice a day, but only screwing you once a year, wouldn't you go mad, too?"

??????

1、题目：一边……一边……

��小朋友写：他一边脱衣服，一边穿裤子。

��老师批语：他到底是要脱还是要穿啊？


��2、题目：其中

��小朋友写：我的其中一只左脚受伤了。

��老师批语：你是蜈蚣吗？


��3、题目：陆陆续续

��小朋友写：下班了，爸爸陆陆续续的回家了。

��老师批语：你到底有几个爸爸呀？


��4、题目：难过

��小朋友写：我家门前有条水沟很难过。

��老师批语：老师更难过。


��5、题目：又……又……

��小朋友写：我的妈妈又矮又高又胖又瘦。

��老师批语；你的妈妈 是变形金钢吗？


��6、题目：你看

��小朋友写：你看什么看！没看过啊

��老师批语：没看过


��7、题目：欣欣向荣

��小朋友写：欣欣向荣荣告白。

��老师批语：连续剧不要看太多了！


��8、题目：好吃

��小朋友写：好吃个屁。

��老师批语：有些东西是不能吃的。


��9、题目：天真

��小朋友写：今天真热。

��老师批语：你真天真。


��10、题目：果然

��小朋友写：昨天我吃水果，然后喝凉水。

��老师批语：是词组，不能分开的。


��11、题目：先……再……，例题：先吃饭，再冼澡。

��小朋友写：先生，再见！

��老师批语：想像力超过了地球人的智慧。


��12、题目：况且

��小朋友写：一列火车经过，况且况且况且况且况且况

��老师批语：我死了算了。

你願意為我而死嗎

一對年輕情侶…正在瘋狂的熱戀…姑娘痴痴的對另一半說：



男的一聽這句話…臉色大變…
許久無法說出話來…….（因為愛…這個代價未免也太大了吧…）



但那男人實在太愛這個姑娘了…



沒有辦法…

畢竟…

這就是愛…

於是…那男人…就…

挖了挖自己的耳朵…



然後……….

用力的塞進他女友的嘴裡…




因為男的把：你會為我而死嗎？聽成…………

（你會餵我耳屎嗎？）